The Joys of (Vanilla) Sex
So, between you and me, facilitating pleasure is something I take very seriously. I do know how clinical the word facilitating is, but its etymology, regardless of overtone, is the right one – to make easy, render less difficult. In the arranging our date stage? Probably not at all, if you were to ask the ‘look at sexy pics and pick up the phone without reading a damn thing’ segment of the client population, and that is deliberate.
But in person to my target client, i.e. a man who reads about the person he is potentially meeting and is quite used to screening?
I’m more than ready and willing to facilitate the most fun part of our encounter.
Pleasure in all its forms
takes self-awareness, adaptability, curiosity and vulnerability. It doesn’t just happen. Intimacy, touch and a sense of being understood are innate human needs and this sense is always in my mind. After all, it’s a big step to contact a companion, which is admitting that there is something missing in a part of your life.
One thing that strikes me about the suitors I meet (once the necessary, but extremely boring, sifting out stage of timewasters, fantasists et al is over with) is the consideration, intentionality and planning these gentlemen have put into their decision. It’s a compliment, and of course this intentionality is something I love to return. An intentional connection crafted with adventure, passion and acceptance is absolutely everything.
Leading up to our date,
discovering what someone is after is extremely important to me, and I strive to plan a personalised experience. In response to my gentle probing, I’m often told “I just like vanilla”, conveyed in a slightly shamefaced tone! It’s as if confessing to wanting an intimate encounter like this is far too ordinary . Particularly when faced with the opportunity to indulge in an (often imagined) cornucopia of sexual delights.
That wanting an encounter where the focus is intimacy without ‘kink’ is disappointing to me, or a desire to feel embarrassed about. I would like to change prospective suitors’ minds on this.
Vanilla sex is an ever-changing, melt-in-your-mouth kind of experience with me, extremely satisfying on its own and also with accoutrements added! The more kinky encounters I like to indulge in always contain the fundamentals of authentic vanilla sex – passion, humour, warmth, a desire to want to physically please someone and have this reciprocated. These are what make my dates… mouth-wateringly satisfying. Vital ingredients that the best kink and vanilla dates have in common.
As a woman with a very sweet tooth,
I’ve also noticed that desserts which incorporate exotic flavours and ingredients must contain vanilla (my gosh if the SEO purpose of this blog was vanilla!), but even in these it doesn’t take centre stage! The added flavours become the main attraction, and the backbone of the sweet is sadly forgotten.
In the culinary world, although vital, many see it as plain and not a first choice in a sweet, dessert or ice cream. In fact, vanilla is a gorgeous flavour that perhaps the palate has gotten used to and so doesn’t notice? Maybe mass produced dishes do not actually contain the real thing, but an artificial, watered-down version.
Those who consider vanilla as boring both in flavour and sexual tastes haven’t experienced how good vanilla can be. It’s more complex than it appears, similar to how there’s more to sexual satisfaction than a label.
Take it from me
Authentic vanilla is luxurious, exotic and seduces the tongue like nothing else. I mean, have you sampled a cake or pastry without it? It’s essential. Its absence is noticeable, leaving one with an unsatisfying and wholly forgettable taste.
But a spice that’s quite difficult to grow successfully cannot be an ordinary thing. Producing it is a complicated and difficult process requiring specific locations, a certain type of pollinator, or else it won’t flourish, thereby denying you the pleasure of laying your eager little hands on it.
Sound familiar?
It takes a certain kind of dedication and planning that not everyone can commit to. Though I would say that such a unique creation dedicated to spreading sheer deliciousness is worth the trouble and expense. After all, an authentic experience, whether vanilla or not, isn’t easy to cultivate either.
Of course, I’m more than happy (and able) to slip easily into a variety of sexual scenarios, but I do wonder why vanilla sex has come to mean boring sex? A mundane, middle-of-the-road and, to be frank, lesser relative of kink.
Most, if not all, sexual activities that fall under the umbrella of ‘vanilla’, when done with passion, energy and relish, easily rival the perceived naughtiness of ‘kinky sex’. For me, a vanilla fuck is just as intense and as much fun as kinky/fetishistic scenes that are perceived to stray from sexual normalcy.